i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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