It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
