I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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