I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
