i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
