Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
