im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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