Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
