She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
