If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
