i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
