Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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