he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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