I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
