Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your cock deserves a montage
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
