It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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