I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
