Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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