I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you never un-have a 4some
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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