So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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