i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
