Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
