my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
