Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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