So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
