do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
