On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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