Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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