Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
