I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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