I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
