Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
