I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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