All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
