he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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