I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
