names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
