i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
