I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
