At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
