You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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