I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
