never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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