I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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