remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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