I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
