omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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