I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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