He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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