I heard we made out
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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