ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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