I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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