Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
