I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
