i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
