True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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