I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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