If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
