He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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