I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
