I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
