You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
