its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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