At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize