hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
