jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
