You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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