So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
