Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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