I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
