bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
