that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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