just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
