Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
