we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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