I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
