remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
