All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
