Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
