All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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