T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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