My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
